Commentary: Abuse

Since it’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted (main reason being I haven’t had anything strike me hard enough to feel as a topic that I would like to write about on here.), I’ve finally found my first topic of 2016: abuse. It’s something that is very complex, and even though there is plethora of resources for abuse, it’s something that shouldn’t still be such a taboo topic. Through sexual abuse that has had plenty of light on it with ISIS being a predominant issue, to physical abuse, and the most traumatizing of all in my eyes: verbal and mental abuse. Today, it isn’t ISIS that leads me to this, but a video that I had breezed by quite a number of times, without watching, until today, with regards to the worst kind of abuse in my eyes.

Over the past few months, I haven’t quite been myself, through mourning my losses, working retail during the holidays, and not quite being able to break some of my mental issues. That’s why I feel that such a video got brushed off to the side in the first place, and why I feel so compelled today to write this now. Personally, sure, like all females (or a majority anywho, seeing as I don’t know all on a personal note), I get mildly jealous over stupid stuff (I tend to get over it eventually, due to life), I’m naturally irritated, and have that Irish temper that everyone expects with the glorious red locks that I have, as well as have a crazy spell here and there. That’s why men gripe about us. They can’t handle it, or peice it together, so they just give up and call us all crazy. But that’s okay-most women don’t understand men either. But what’s not okay, is to abuse someone. I’m guilty as all hell for calling people names, slapping someone across the arm when they do something, and doing that classic girl thing where we ignore someone when they’re irritating us. I’m not perfect, and I need to work on this. This isn’t a “new years resolution”, or a temporary thing that needs fixed. I also need to make a daily effort to not do these things, because it’s a daily issue.  That’s what I’m leading to.

Sure, I’m a nobody, with few friends, and a “small” number of followers on Instagram and Twitter. Barely anyone sees these blogs that I post. And I’m okay with that. I’m learning to be okay with it. As long as someone is listening. But even that, it doesn’t give me a right to be abusive in any fashion, and it doesn’t give anyone else the right to be abusive to me, even if someone commented that I’m a loser, and should just get off the internet because “seeing that I have a minute amount of followers, I don’t post the right kinds of stuff/that no one likes me or what I post/etc”. Yet, with people with bigger fan bases/followers, I see that day in and day out, regardless of what platform it’s on, and regardless of if the commenter knows what’s going on behind closed doors.In regards to this video I watched, it was Matt Santoro’s abuse video, that was accidentally made public.

Facebook quickly spread it around, and that’s where I had brushed it off time and time again. I hadn’t known who he was, didn’t know that he and Nicole Arbour were in a relationship, hadn’t known anything. I had found Nicole Arbour somehow on Facebook, when the infamous “Dear Fat People” video went viral. Even as the months progressed after I had seen that video, I was only interested in what she posted in regards to her open ended Dear Blank videos. I didn’t pry, I didn’t keep tabs, only the information given to me by her videos, and the little bit I’ve seen when she asks for feedback in what to post that week. I’m not one for watching and knowing every little detail about anyone, even celebrities, so this is not new for me to be so “under a rock”.

Yet for some reason, even as I pull more and more away from social media on a personal account basis, and more and more into the anonymous world, I found myself today doing something I very seldom do, probably on a once a year occurrence-I read through some of the comments on her Facebook page. She had posted about voting on what she was going to do that week, so I innocently went down to the comments, where she “comments” the different topics, separately, so her fans may like the one they want (notice I said innocently). That’s where the swarm of bashing began. Commonly seen throughout many of posts, done by many of famous people, you will always have “haters” and people that try to expose things, and people who are jealous. You will also have the fans and die-hard lovers. Nicole Arbour’s page is no different. That’s what lead me to go onto youtube and search for this video, even though I hadn’t known that the video I had been brushing off for awhile now, and the video that would pop up on my laptop, were one and the same.

I give mad props to Matthew for opening up. Regardless of gender, age, or ethnicity, speaking up is always a struggle, especially if it’s abuse. And especially in regards to emotional and mental abuse, as he talked about in that video. Although he opened up about the mental and emotional toll this relationship took on him, he never once said Nicole’s name, nor spoke badly about her, other than the abuse part of it. He never once disclosed anything about her other than what she did to abuse him. He never said she was an up and coming Youtuber, or she made controversial videos, let alone anything that initially led me to believe that he and her were actually an item. His actual video on his page, does not once tag or mention her exactly in any regards. You actually would have to know that Nicole and Matt at one time were dating, as well as put the puzzle together. You also have to either get “lucky” in a sense to have it on that side column of related videos, or go and search to see if Nicole made any comments in regards to his video to even make sure that these people commenting on Nicole’s page are even legitimately making accusations, let alone researching what they are saying before bashing her. I’m in no fashion saying that I know either of them on a personal note, but sure as all hell, I’m not just going to hop on the bandwagon of bashing someone, just by hear-say.

I was skeptical at first, watching the video, I can say that much. But I did watch the whole video. I give Matthew a round of applause for being able to make the right choices in his life, and getting help and reaching out. I give him credits beyond belief that he, as a man, wants to make it cultural norm more or less, to get rid of the stigma that he had felt of not wanting to say anything. I give him the most credit though for not bashing Nicole in regards to them being split up, and not doing what most people would have done. He wasn’t nasty towards her in the video, he didn’t seem like he was making things up to spite her, nothing. He was just purely telling his story, to make light of an issue that shouldn’t still be here in 2016. I can’t say anything in regards to anything outside of that video, because like everyone else that isn’t apart of their lives, we don’t know.

But in the same token, I must say that I do despise those of you who are so against abuse that sought after Nicole (regardless of how much researching you did or didn’t do), in regards to this video. You people disgust me more than anything. To be able to say you support Matthew, in his “coming out of the abuse closet” per se video, then turn that around to do the same thing that he’s speaking out against in the video, telling Nicole to go kill herself, slit her throat, drink bleach, or whatever else I didn’t see, makes you worse than whatever she did in their relationship. Just because you’re not verbally saying these things to her, it’s still mental and emotional abuse. Something that you people are upset about with her. I’m not defending nor condoning her, I’m turning the same light you’re shedding on her, onto those of you who are doing the same thing as her. In the one reposted video I caught, where she’s doing a dear Matt (she herself took the post down. This was on a different page), I caught a lot of negativity towards her. She admitted she screwed up. We all do. Most people don’t admit it, let alone to the person they screwed up, and definitely not publically like her, no matter how long she personally had it up. So props to her. I don’t care, nor care to know, if it was all true, if she meant the apology, or what else. She did it.

In regards to myself, will I keep watching Nicole’s videos? Yes. Will I start watching Matt’s? Sure why not. Does it make me think any less of either of these two? Not really, other than the fact that I know that they’re not robots, and actually feel, and screw up like the rest of us.


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